Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
