There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
