Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
