Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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