i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
