Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
