No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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