There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
