Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
