I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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