You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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