Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
