It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
