Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
