I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
