Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
