tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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