we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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