this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
