Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ugly people sure do ruin things
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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