I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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