I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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