do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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