We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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