I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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