Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
