Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
