if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
where are you?
Hypothermia
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
