some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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