i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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