K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
