I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
