Don't you send me to vm
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
