After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
