I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're so nebulous sometimes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
