I think I won the penis lottery.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
