Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
