I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
