he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
