ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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