This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
