I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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