dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
