Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
