the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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