It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
