we have pet lesbian snakes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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