In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
