If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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