Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize