Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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