I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Randomize
