my phone needs a breathalizer
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
