1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
birth control should be required to get into college
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
