Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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