...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
