would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize