My balls are so social today.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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