i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
