There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
