college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
