and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
