I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
