i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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