I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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