in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So here I am, sexting at work.
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