Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
