sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
