Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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