I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
